Community Drop In Group 6/16/20
Lindsay Bridges I’ve been listening to many people describe a certain kind of anxiety in these challenging times that is starting to make me think of chronic pain. Instead of chronic physical pain, many people are experiencing chronic emotional pain, which of course physically hurts in the body. I have a beautiful article by longterm mindfulness practitioner Darlene Cohen, called One Button at a Time, and I often share it with people working with chronic pain. Everything she says in this article about learning how to live well, even with the debilitating pain of rheumatoid arthritis, feels really useful for dealing with chronic emotional pain as well. Her basic approach is to always see beyond the confines of the pain and strengthen herself by an appreciative practice of opening the eyes, heart and mind to see all that is present in a given moment—not just the pain. So I want to share from her words of wisdom today. Cohen had been a serious Zen meditation student for a number of years before developing rheumatoid arthritis. Initially, feeling “overcome by unremitting pain,” she thought she had wasted all those years with meditation practice. Meditation was suppose to help with just such an occasion but at first it seemed a failure instead. Yet, it didn’t take long for her to find out that she was wrong. She began to uncover numerous ways practice did support this new life with pain. She says: First of all, though ravaged by pain and disease, my body was deeply settled. ... My body had been developing the tremendous stability associated with regular sitting practice. So even though she was “overwhelmed and consumed by the pain,” she found she was able to let go, surrender into what she calls the “physicality” of the moment— meaning opening to all of the physical felt sensations present in any given moment. She says, I discovered that wherever I looked, there were experiences other than pain waiting to be noticed: here is bending, here is breath, here is sun warming, here is unbearable fire, here is tightness. All these perceptions were fresh and fascinating. Fresh and fascinating even when not all pleasant. What she learned was opening to a wide array of sensations gave her a powerful means of being with the unpleasant. But it takes a kind of dedication to keep widening the scope when the pain is challenging: If it any given moment I am aware of 10 different elements—my bottom on the chair, the sound of cars passing outside, the though of the laundry I have to do, the hum of the air conditioner, an unpleasant stab of sharp knee pain, cool air entering my nostrils warm air going out— and one of them is pain, that pain will dominate my life. But if I am aware of 100 elements, those 10 plus more subtle sensations – the animal presence of other people sitting quietly in the room, the shadow of the lamp against the wall, the brush of my hair against my ear, The pressure of my clothes against my skin – then pain is merely one of the elements of my consciousness, and that is pain I can live with. This widening of perspective is very useful. Our survival minds want to send us into tunnel vision where problem is the only thing that can occupy any mental space. If I am in a life/death situation, I probably want problem to be my full occupation. But if I am trying to live daily life, then only seeing problem and not anything else means a daily living hell instead. Clearly, having the mind space to be aware of a hundred different sensations present in a moment involves practice, training and patience. As she says, it was through her extensive sitting practice that she cultivated this skill. That depth of practice might feel unattainable in these times, but in reality times have always been hard. There is nothing unusual in this human experience of challenging times, and people for eons have been learning how to do the practice and training necessary to shift our experience away from a survival only mode of just getting by and to greater resiliency and well-being in the midst of the difficult. If we stick with the intention of compassionate practice, put in the time and right work, this shift will happen for us as well. Putting in any time in formal practice, even just 5 - 10 min a day, starts to make a difference if we do it with a deep intention of persistence, goodwill, compassion and letting go. That formal practice begins to change the quality of our day. As Cohen says: With such a mind, life becomes richly textured. Consciously putting a cup on the table and feeling the flat surfaces meet becomes a rare, satisfying, “just-right” kind of experience. Washing dishes is not just about getting the dishes clean; it’s also about feeling the warm, soapy water soothing my arthritic fingers. Doing laundry, I can smell its cleanness and luxuriate in the simple movements of folding, a counterpoint to my complex life. This is not about someone having rarified good conditions present in life to be able to take this kind of time to notice. This is her learning to do this in the midst of serious pain. As Cohen says: For people in pain, tapping into this wisdom beyond wisdom is simply how to survive. When we have nothing left to hold onto, we must find comfort and support in the mundane details of our every day lives, which are less than mundane when they’re the reason we’re willing to stay alive. This is the upside of impermanence: the shiny uniqueness of beings and objects when we begin to notice their comforting presence. When preferences for a particular experience fade, the myriad things come forward to play, shimmering was suchness. Obviously, flowers and trees do this, but so do beer cans and microwaves, they’re all waiting for our embrace. It is enormously empowering to inhabit the world so vibrant was singularity. She notes that after living with this condition for 30+ years that she never enters a room without looking for what sources of comfort and ease might be there – always noticing not only the recliner, or the pillow, but also the light from the window, a homemade vase or the muffled drone of the air-conditioning— all sources of potential comfort and pleasure. She’s learned to bring a sense of companionship and friendliness to items like her toothbrush, her her dishes, her spoon, and her car. She finds that by taking notice of the supports around her all the time, not only is she better able to manage the pain, but life is just more interesting, rich and full, even in the midst of pain. The practice hasn’t magically made her pain go away, but it has freed her to live a life that has joy and meaning even with the pain. How might this kind of appreciative mindfulness support you? Do you have a habit of gliding over what’s good in your life and focusing only on what’s hard or unwanted? What happens when you draw from the heart to broaden what you see with your eyes in any given moment? I set down last night to watch a Netflix show with my daughter, and really took in the beauty and sweetness of this moment— not just being with her, but also the sweet cat curled up between us, the fact that we had a TV that was working and Netflix, after a long pause actually opened, that some people in Canada had bothered to make this wonderful show about Kim’s Convenience store and the family that runs it, that we have my mother’s old red couch that is so comfortable, a roof over our head and a floor beneath our feet keeping us dry and warm on a rainy cool evening. When we learn to pause and open our eyes with the strength of our hearts, we start to see into a sacredness present in every moment. Mindfulness teacher Chris Cullen talks about the interdependence of eyes and heart. He says, the attitude of the heart defines what the eyes will be able to see. Darlene Cohen is pointing to an attitude of heart that helps reveal supports all around. It is using the strength of the heart to open our eyes to an appreciative wonder of what is here. This is all basic grounding practice that helps clear our minds to function better in our lives. And by practicing this kind of basic, but sacred, re-grounding moment by moment, we come to know the wisdom beyond wisdom that allows us to live a life with joy and meaning right in the midst of our pain as well.
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