Non-Violent Communication

​00:00 – 5:02We have been Looking at non violent communication which is a fairly in depth and detailed process so for our first one after I thought about something very simple I brought a point and a practice this to go with the point. Then yesterday I went to this. Remarkable Women Summit met at the county detention center And as I sat there A realized if just perfectly and with the so I really I just WanNa start by sharing Some of what. I heard this women’s summit I had no. Oh I dea what to expect All I knew is last week for my mindfulness group I only had two women and because all of the rest were at their fittings for the summit So you know. This is a tension center. Everyone wears arch the orange suit outfit and It was really sweet to hear that they were at their fittings. Fittings and I assumed it was dressed for success and it was so dress for success came in this a nonprofit organization that helps low income some people literally get the business attire To be able to go out in the job world in a different way so they came to the detention center and the women who are all part of the summit got appropriate professional professional attire To attend the summit. The summit was still in a pod but there’s there’s a weakened unit That during the weekday is totally empty so it did have a a different feel. At least it was out of the buzz as of of the central part The catered it It was a simple catering but they catered it. They brought lunch and And all of this is our new sheriff. If y’all don’t know Gary McFadden he is doing remarkable things. The changes changes that you can feel just from the switch from J. Calling the Mecklenburg County jail to the Mecklenburg County Detention Center It’s palpable His impact there in this whole women summit came out of his his new leadership So he they had a mint in some A month ago and this one was the women’s And it was Stunningly beautiful I mean just one of the most powerful things. I’ve been to all of the the keynote the to keynote speakers and the five panelists All we’re women who had been incarcerated at some point in their life and I guess this is probably true for everyone on that. It wouldn’t just a little bit like one woman one of the keynote speakers. I think she said Ed. Between the ages of fifteen and about twenty four she’d been incarcerated. Seventeen Times The other keynote speaker Unnamed that her incarceration grew directly out of her experience with domestic violence which included being means stabbed shot and raped by her partner which she initially tried to escape through crack? Cocaine and and just I mean tailspin Description of as hard as it gets And now she works for the Aclu and works on Legislation around incarceration with the particular. Take your interest in and focus on. Abolition of incarceration of people So one of the things that was named powerfully Over and over particularly by her but by okay everyone Were was that for everyone. There there were factors in their world. That made what happened to them. A thousand times more likely a million times more likely there were the factors and and the way that that the the justice system is set.

05:02 – 10:01Up Is like painfully rooted needed in Multiplying those factors Adding onto those factors and you know they were naming the the racism the issues of poverty the growing up in with childhoods trauma drama With no safety food So you know. Like all of these factors actors were Totally real needed to be named And there was still a choice that every single one of these women named within their own own self but they had to make about how to navigate life in light of these overwhelming factors actors and that their turnaround was through recognizing their own power their own ability to affect change started with their own decision making over and over and over so they were naming the supports in their decision making The people it was just beautiful here. These women name Like this circle of people. That was very very important to helping them. Come out of it changed choices. I can’t tell you how often change choices got named yesterday doves nest And a couple of others but changed choices came up over and over and over and as one woman said I would never have been able to access what they were offering until I learned to look me in the marrow and meet myself with different kind of kindness of acceptance of compassion of care It wouldn’t have and Would have just washed off If she hadn’t hadn’t found that way to start with how she met her in our world. That’s what we’re doing in this practice. Sometimes it is just painfully in our face. The work that we have to do to survive a given moment oftentimes for most of us. You know we can. We can get through with the bad habits they’re not putting us in the detention center and with breath out having that clarity of mind that even this doesn’t feel good. It’s easy easy to like. Lose our our way on what’s beautiful and here right now so And gratitude gratitude was named over and over and over. And I think I’ve shared here before the in circles at the detention attention center One of the most powerful practices is gratitude That tapping in so in in in support of how do we make vote. Small choices over and over and over over and over to redirect and find our path again Just want to offer a very short point by Mary. Oliver and Anna gratitude practice And it’s one that I find Just one of my hugest anchors. I go to when my mind is really messy When I know I need some so like find some sort of light through the storm This is one that that I come to The helps and we’ve done it here before and it sounds Kinda Hokey But it’s really powerful practice. ABC gratitude I got it from brother. David Stendhal spindle Ross and have a small modification that I do with it before I read the Mary. Oliver just WANNA say Mary. Oliver goes right hand hand-in-hand with this conversation.

10:02 – 11:43I have heard some people complain about her poetry that it’s too sweet And it’s too kind of loving nature Go Hug etry And doesn’t really really touched the real world and People are tired of it escapism. I’ve heard that word with Mary. Oliver And two that I would say those are people who won haven’t really explored what she’s saying in these poems the the radical message of what she’s saying and to don’t know her history She came out of a remarkably abusive childhood on desperate situation childhood and this was her way what helped her find her way into a life that was rich with meaning and mattered. So this is called praying. I mean it doesn’t have to be the blue. Irs It could be weeds in the vacant lot or few small stones. Just pay attention then. Patch a a few words together and don’t try to make them elaborate. This isn’t a contest but a doorway into thinks and a silence in which another voice may speak.